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Posts Tagged ‘weddings’

  1. Weddings and weirdos

    April 16, 2012 by superlative

    I went to a wedding on Saturday, and it was the first time I’ve been to someone’s second wedding after having previously attended their first wedding. It was an odd experience.

    Normally when I go to weddings I feel really pleased that someone has found the person they want to spend their life with, and feel excited for them to be making such a big commitment. I know how nervous they’ll be feeling about the day going well, and I get a bit choked up when they say their vows and declare their love for one another.

    None of that was absent from this wedding – I’m sure the happy couple were just as nervous and excited and meant what they were saying – but I couldn’t help thinking it all sounded a little bit hollow when I’d watched one of them make the same solemn vows before. It couldn’t have the same gravitas to hear them say they’d remain faithful and loving for the rest of their lives, even though they no doubt meant it wholeheartedly, when a little voice in my head kept muttering “Yeah but you said all this before, and then decided you’d had enough of them after four years”.

    Don’t get me wrong: I don’t think people should stay together if they aren’t happy, and it’s perfectly possible to fall out of love with someone. But I don’t see how a second wedding can ever have the same impact as the first one.

    I also had to keep biting my tongue when talking to the bride, because I don’t know her all that well, and my natural response when making conversation is to latch onto the experiences I’ve shared with them. And in context that meant her first wedding, and saying things like “You didn’t want a harpist this time then?” Which is sort of a fair comment, because it was true, but there was an unspoken rule that no one should mention that she’d been married before and everyone had to act like it had never happened. So I found that a bit stupid, and all the more so when she was still using the surname from her first marriage up until she signed the register.

    The wedding itself was OK. A bit cramped at times, as they’d chosen a small venue, and rather too cold to be eating outside so everyone was shivering a bit (especially the girls in summer dresses) and then fled inside as soon as the meal was over. They had karaoke in the evening, which was a bit unusual maybe, and lots of people didn’t want to do it in front of so many other guests they didn’t know. Chris and I waded in anyway and gave them awesome renditions of Cher – If I Could Turn Back Time and then Billy Joel – Piano Man. We were clearly the best singers (in my head).

    Then on Sunday we had lunch at Chris’ Mum’s house with his family, and unfortunately we both came away feeling quite annoyed. Neither of us really cares for his aunt and uncle, and nor do Chris’ brother and sister-in-law. So the four of us are generally a bit reticent to spend time with them. Chris’ Mum though has as thing about Everyone Getting Along and basically tricked us into lunch with them this weekend.

    The four of us were sleeping at her house on Saturday night after the wedding (as it wasn’t far away), and she had said “Oh I’ll do some lunch for us on Sunday before you go back, shall I?” to which we’d all agreed, imagining it meant just us lot. At some point along the way, this transformed into lunch for 12 people, which she deliberately kept from us until we couldn’t get out of it. You just have to endure family lunches, of course, so the four of us had a whispered “she did that on purpose” conversation but knew we’d just have to deal with it.

    The meal was alright, the same as ever really, but I got really annoyed and actually quite offended by his uncle this time. He made several gay jokes, including saying Chris’ new car was a ‘gaymobile’, that it should have a pink stripe down the side, and when we mentioned we’d been baking recently over dinner he said “Let me guess – FAIRY CAKES! laughlaughlaugh”

    And it just wasn’t very funny. It made me very self conscious and quite uncomfortable, and I just thought fuck off, I don’t know you well enough for you to make jokes like that. It wasn’t his intention to offend, I’m sure of that – he thinks he’s showing he’s OK with it – but he did it too much, and I didn’t like my sexuality being his primary topic of humour for the day.  There are certain words in particular I really don’t like being called – and queen and fairy are my top two. I could call him a bald retarded alcoholic with a trout for a wife, but I wouldn’t because it’s insensitive.

    Chris’ Mum is flapping now because she knows we got pissed off, and her enforced socialising sort of backfired on her. So now she’s trying to repair the situation, even though she didn’t do anything wrong herself really, and telling us she’s sure he was only joking. Well fine, he no doubt was, but if anyone else came into her house and made offensive jokes at us, she’d probably get really cross with them herself.

    So anyway, it was a bit annoying. On the upside, we can use it as a reason why we don’t want to have lunch with him again for a while, and she’ll probably lay off trying to force the issue.

  2. A Brummy adventure

    July 21, 2009 by superlative

    I haven’t blogged much lately, because I don’t feel like I’ve really done a lot. We’ve viewed a couple of rental flats, and nearly took one last week until on second inspection we found it wasn’t quite as nice as we’d first thought (limited storage and suspicious damp marks on some of the walls), and that’s been about it. This weekend however, I’ve actually done lots and lots so I thought I would grace you with a blog post.
    I’ve only been up to Birmingham once before, and it didn’t really count as I just went to a friend’s house, stayed overnight, and then drove straight back again. But one of our friends was getting married this Sunday, so we went up on Saturday and made a proper trip of it this time. I have to confess that despite my customary prejudice regarding anything further north than Cambridge, it was really good! The city seemed really nice with lots of shops and restaurants clustered around the canals, and there were some nice buildings and squares in the centre of town.
    We thought we’d try Nightingales while we were up there, which seems to be Birmingham’s main (only?) gay club, and I was very impressed with it. There were lots of quite fit boys, and the music was great. It was boiling though and I don’t think my feet appreciated the four hours of dancing much. It had a nice outdoor terrace thing too, and for some reason a diner upstairs, which I think is a GREAT idea for a club.
    Saturday was a special night they were having to launch the new single by September. “Who?” I hear you cry. Yes I know, I thought so too, but I did actually recognise one of her previous songs, and she’s a sort of Cascada-y dance singer from Sweden. She was good anyway, even if she did come on an hour late and it was a bit obvious that quite a few people didn’t know who she was. I’ll try to put up a picture of her once I’ve got them off my camera.
    Then Sunday was the wedding, for which I was feeling rather tired from the night before. I can say it was officially a Good Wedding, as I’ve been to a couple of bad ones, a couple of mediocre ones, and this was a Good one. It was in a nice church in a little square in the centre of Birmingham, and they had a good choir and some really nice musical interludes. Then we all piled into taxis down to the Mailbox, and had a boat ride along the canal up to the reception. It unfortunately started to pour with rain at this point, so on arrival we all had to run 200 metres through driving rain and arrive at the venue thoroughly soaked. The bride was protected by four men holding a blanket over her head, and reportedly ran the journey while shouting “This isn’t glamorous! It was meant to be glamorous!”. The dress survived intact though and at least she didn’t fall in the canal or anything.
    The reception was good, with good food made largely by the groom and his family (he’s a chef, and spent his wedding day morning making canapés, bless), and then good music and lots of dancing on my already well-worn feet.
    The drive home yesterday felt soooooooo long, and I’m really exhausted today. I’ve been a bit virusy all weekend, and haven’t stopped for a proper rest since Thursday night I don’t think, so it’s all catching up with me now. I’ve got a stupid flat viewing tonight, and then finally I will hopefully be able to sleep and sleep and sleep.
    Hooray for Brum though, and for it not being as provincial as first feared.