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Posts Tagged ‘oh fuck off’

  1. Weddings and weirdos

    April 16, 2012 by superlative

    I went to a wedding on Saturday, and it was the first time I’ve been to someone’s second wedding after having previously attended their first wedding. It was an odd experience.

    Normally when I go to weddings I feel really pleased that someone has found the person they want to spend their life with, and feel excited for them to be making such a big commitment. I know how nervous they’ll be feeling about the day going well, and I get a bit choked up when they say their vows and declare their love for one another.

    None of that was absent from this wedding – I’m sure the happy couple were just as nervous and excited and meant what they were saying – but I couldn’t help thinking it all sounded a little bit hollow when I’d watched one of them make the same solemn vows before. It couldn’t have the same gravitas to hear them say they’d remain faithful and loving for the rest of their lives, even though they no doubt meant it wholeheartedly, when a little voice in my head kept muttering “Yeah but you said all this before, and then decided you’d had enough of them after four years”.

    Don’t get me wrong: I don’t think people should stay together if they aren’t happy, and it’s perfectly possible to fall out of love with someone. But I don’t see how a second wedding can ever have the same impact as the first one.

    I also had to keep biting my tongue when talking to the bride, because I don’t know her all that well, and my natural response when making conversation is to latch onto the experiences I’ve shared with them. And in context that meant her first wedding, and saying things like “You didn’t want a harpist this time then?” Which is sort of a fair comment, because it was true, but there was an unspoken rule that no one should mention that she’d been married before and everyone had to act like it had never happened. So I found that a bit stupid, and all the more so when she was still using the surname from her first marriage up until she signed the register.

    The wedding itself was OK. A bit cramped at times, as they’d chosen a small venue, and rather too cold to be eating outside so everyone was shivering a bit (especially the girls in summer dresses) and then fled inside as soon as the meal was over. They had karaoke in the evening, which was a bit unusual maybe, and lots of people didn’t want to do it in front of so many other guests they didn’t know. Chris and I waded in anyway and gave them awesome renditions of Cher – If I Could Turn Back Time and then Billy Joel – Piano Man. We were clearly the best singers (in my head).

    Then on Sunday we had lunch at Chris’ Mum’s house with his family, and unfortunately we both came away feeling quite annoyed. Neither of us really cares for his aunt and uncle, and nor do Chris’ brother and sister-in-law. So the four of us are generally a bit reticent to spend time with them. Chris’ Mum though has as thing about Everyone Getting Along and basically tricked us into lunch with them this weekend.

    The four of us were sleeping at her house on Saturday night after the wedding (as it wasn’t far away), and she had said “Oh I’ll do some lunch for us on Sunday before you go back, shall I?” to which we’d all agreed, imagining it meant just us lot. At some point along the way, this transformed into lunch for 12 people, which she deliberately kept from us until we couldn’t get out of it. You just have to endure family lunches, of course, so the four of us had a whispered “she did that on purpose” conversation but knew we’d just have to deal with it.

    The meal was alright, the same as ever really, but I got really annoyed and actually quite offended by his uncle this time. He made several gay jokes, including saying Chris’ new car was a ‘gaymobile’, that it should have a pink stripe down the side, and when we mentioned we’d been baking recently over dinner he said “Let me guess – FAIRY CAKES! laughlaughlaugh”

    And it just wasn’t very funny. It made me very self conscious and quite uncomfortable, and I just thought fuck off, I don’t know you well enough for you to make jokes like that. It wasn’t his intention to offend, I’m sure of that – he thinks he’s showing he’s OK with it – but he did it too much, and I didn’t like my sexuality being his primary topic of humour for the day. ┬áThere are certain words in particular I really don’t like being called – and queen and fairy are my top two. I could call him a bald retarded alcoholic with a trout for a wife, but I wouldn’t because it’s insensitive.

    Chris’ Mum is flapping now because she knows we got pissed off, and her enforced socialising sort of backfired on her. So now she’s trying to repair the situation, even though she didn’t do anything wrong herself really, and telling us she’s sure he was only joking. Well fine, he no doubt was, but if anyone else came into her house and made offensive jokes at us, she’d probably get really cross with them herself.

    So anyway, it was a bit annoying. On the upside, we can use it as a reason why we don’t want to have lunch with him again for a while, and she’ll probably lay off trying to force the issue.

  2. Michael Jackson dies – and I really don’t care that much

    June 26, 2009 by superlative

    Everybody seems to have gone bananas today over the sudden death of Michael Jackson. I suppose I should be used to the media-fed bouts of public hysteria we get these days, but it has still managed to surprise me. I think in this case it’s because lots of people really didn’t seem to care very much for Michael Jackson, and just used to use him as an easy target for all manner of jokes and slurs, but now they’re all spouting exaggerated eulogies about “the world losing one of its greats”, today being “the day music died”, and Alexandra Burke of X-Factor fame (sic) even went as far as “Sometimes God needs to call his angels home”.

    What?? Have I missed something?

    I’m not saying he didn’t write some good songs. Some of his songs are actually very good indeed. But most of them are from 20 years ago, and since then it’s been a slow decline into debt, lawsuits, child molestation charges, and public ridicule.

    Maybe people just feel bad for being so mean about him. I don’t though. I think it’s hypocritical to switch to “oh he was a lovely person” just because someone dies. It doesn’t make it all alright.

    He was clearly a troubled man whose behaviour was erratic, and who at the very least had boundary issues with regards to children. Fine fine, he was acquitted of all charges, but by his own admission he used to share his bed with young boys. That’s not normal! That’s not OK! And no amount of “he never had a normal childhood, so he still behaves like he’s a child” is going to change that!

    And he named his children Michael Joseph Jackson Jr, Paris Michael Katherine Jackson and Prince Michael Jackson II. That’s crime enough in itself.

    I don’t know why anyone believed he was going to be able to do 50 concert dates every other night when he hasn’t completed a concert tour in 12 years and could barely even walk the last time I saw him on television. Even if he had lived as far as July, that would have finished him off for sure.

    I don’t believe he just “turned white” either. He was mentally unwell, and that was just another feature of it. People say Susan Boyle shouldn’t have been allowed to perform, or should have been better protected at least, because she doesn’t have the faculties to cope with the pressure. But they’re also quite happy to milk certain celebrities and their instabilities for their own amusement, and they’ll just lap it up until they either die or are committed. Like Britney Spears and Michael Jackson, who apparently are/were fair game for anything.

    So anyway, Michael Jackson is dead. My only reason for caring is that now my television is going to be crammed full of insipid tributes for the next week. It’s not nice that anyone should die, but I don’t see why it results in automatic beatification these days.