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Posts Tagged ‘ill’

  1. Feeling a bit better

    March 29, 2011 by superlative

    I’ve been feeling a bit better for the last couple of days. I’ve not been in pain since Sunday, although the weekend was quite bad, but not being in pain makes it so much easier not to worry and feel anxious all the time, and it means you can get on with doing other things more easily.

    It has to be a good thing surely if the pain has gone away, because I would have thought that something serious like cancer wouldn’t cause pain and then just stop, it would presumably just carry on. That’s what I’m hoping at the moment anyway, and to be fair the doctor told me at the outset it was unlikely to be cancer in any case.

    I’ve also been trying to worry less, and be less concerned about minor aches and pains and having a high temperature and things. I know my anxiety problem is the most likely explanation for those, and again if cancer were going to give you, say, pain in your legs, it wouldn’t do that for an hour and then move on to some other symptom elsewhere. Anxiety, on the other hand, can move your pain around all over the place as often as it wants, because that’s what anxiety does. And once I started thinking like that I started having fewer symptoms anyway.

    I think knowing I’ve only got to wait until Thursday for my appointment has helped a bit too, because it puts a potential end date on it when you know something might happen, rather than this vague feeling that you’re going to be in pain forever and you don’t know why.

    So yeah, I’m doing better at the moment, and I haven’t cried since Thursday last week, which is good because it was making my eyes all puffy and unattractive.

  2. Still waiting

    March 25, 2011 by superlative

    UPDATE TO THIS POST: I’ve got my appointment now, as I had a letter waiting for me at home on the day I wrote this. It was dated Monday but I didn’t get it until Friday, which is a bit annoying. Appointment is next Thursday, so not as soon as I’d like – but it’s better than not knowing, and I’m not feeling too bad today (Saturday).


    I’m still waiting to hear from the hospital. I’m supposed to be seen within two weeks the doctor said, but it’s Friday now and I still haven’t even heard from them with an appointment date, let alone been seen.

    I’m going mad with worrying, I’m crying most days, and to make it worse I’ve got a whole host of other symptoms now that are probably unrelated but which I keep panicking about because I’m worried that they ARE related and I’m actually seriously ill.

    The pain from the lump hasn’t been so bad, and I’ve ended up not taking the ibuprofen the doctor recommended I take for it because it’s been upsetting my tummy a bit. Over the last couple of days I’ve felt tired, had aches in my joints, had headaches, and for the last couple of nights I’ve had a high temperature which today has lasted into the next morning as well.

    I just don’t feel well, and I don’t know if it’s me worrying myself ill or if I’ve got a stupid virus thing that happens to coincide with my other issue, or (and this is what I keep thinking) that I’ve got some kind of cancer that’s causing both my lump and has spread elsewhere in my body and is giving me all these other symptoms.

    Looking things up online is really unhelpful because it panics me so much, and because unfortunately practically every kind of symptom can be associated with cancer. Inability to fight off infections (I’ve had loads of viruses this winter); night sweats; tummy trouble (which I’ve been blaming on the ibuprofen); fatigue. All of them could be cancer-related, but normally you’d think oh that’s not very likely, I’ve just got a virus or a cold or whatever. Except I’ve also got a lump, and I can’t stop worrying and I can’t stop crying.

    When the hell are they going to ring me about my appointment? This is absolute torture. I’m going out of my mind, and quite possibly causing some of my symptoms through pure anxiety, but thinking that doesn’t help me either.

    I just want to know that my lump’s not cancer, and that if I’ve got other symptoms that they’re therefore separate and I don’t need to worry that I’m going to die.

    It’s horrible on Chris too because he knows I’m panicking and flapping, and he has to deal with me all the time and try to keep me calm, and it must be really hard for him. He says he’s not worried because he knows I haven’t got cancer because the doctor doesn’t think it’s that and the scan is just to confirm it and be sure. And he points out that I’m finding different symptoms every day at the moment, which seems odd – you’d think cancer would cause symptoms that would stay put, not move around and be different every day.

    I just want to be well, and happy, and not be worrying all the time. I want my fucking scan. This has been a horrible, horrible week.

  3. Terrible blogger

    April 1, 2010 by superlative

    I have turned into one of those bloggers I don’t like who only updates their blog twice a month, making it a bit annoying to try to keep up to date with. It’s my own fault really; once I leave it for too long, events either don’t seem current enough to write about or they become irrelevant.

    But anyway, in case you care here are a few things that have happened in my life recently.

    Most excitingly for the geek in me, I have got a new phone to replace my Sony Ericsson C510. Yes I know I’ve only had my last phone for a year, but it’s one of the few things that I treat myself to and spend any actual money on myself on.
    So now I have a brand sparkling new HTC Tattoo, and so far I’m really pleased with it. It’s my first touchscreen phone, and it has Wi Fi, which are the two things I really wanted. It seems really good, like a proper little computer in your pocket, and it’s quite pretty too. The touchscreen is a bit annoying at times, as I knew in advance from the reviews, simply because it’s on the small side and so it’s easy to jab the wrong thing with your finger. I was texting my sister-in-law this morning and nearly wished her a Harrowing Birthday because of it. I’m getting used to it though, and the general interface and software is really nice.
    The only thing that made my Sony Ericsson better was the awesome camera it had, that took some of the best photos I’ve ever taken. But I only really used the camera once a month or so, so I shall learn to live without it.
    I’ve also been ill with a cold for the last week, which is quite annoying as I’d managed to go almost six months without catching anything. I’ve been proudly telling everyone that I haven’t been ill for ages, so I suppose this is my payback for being smug. I’m hoping it will go away soon, not least because we go to New York in just ONE WEEK!
    It’s terribly exciting, even though I’ve been before. I was surprised to see that the temperature is in the high 60s out there at the moment, so it’s really quite warm, which would be lovely compared to the horrible greyness we’ve had here lately. I think it might turn more rainy by next week, but I’m still vaguely hoping we’ll get some early summer sun while we’re there.
    We’ll be there for five nights, but I’m actually off work for a whole week and a half for it, which will be lovely. I’m sure I’ll come back to a backlog of annoyances upon my return, but I’ll worry about that when it happens.
    Other than that, things have been more or less normal. My mother has been medium-crazy for the last little while, as opposed to her normal uber-mentalist state, so that’s been quite pleasant. I did have her on the phone for 20 minutes today though in a stress because next door is apparently having their roof done, which will undoubtedly cause lots of noise and upset her. It hasn’t caused much noise yet of course, she’s just speculating and stressing in advance, but she likes doing that. If you haven’t got anything proper to stress about, you may as well make something up – that seems to be her philosophy, and it gives her a reason to ring me up anyway. How nice for me.
    That’s all for now. I shall write more after the Easter weekend, which will involve a trip to see the mentalist mother and so will I’m sure provide lots more blogging material.

  4. Fun fun fun in the sun sun sun with a cold cold cold

    October 19, 2009 by superlative

    It’s not long now until I’m off on holiday to Gran Canaria – five days in fact – and I’m really looking forward to it. It’s 75 degrees out there at the moment, and although there is a bit of cloud around I’m hoping it’s going to be nice enough to spend most of it lazing by the pool.

    Unfortunately, at the moment I am ill with a cold, and so is Chris, and so is one of the friends we’re going with. Which is quite a pain really, as I don’t particularly relish the prospect of travelling when I’m feeling crappy. It’s only Monday though and I’ve been ill since last Thursday, so I’m hoping it will be long gone by Saturday. I’ve eaten 13 satsumas in 5 days too, so that’s got to have helped hasn’t it?

    For a little while I felt guilty at the thought I might be on a plane with a virus and give it to other people. Then however, this was overridden by the worry that there might be people on the plane with worse viruses (i.e. swine flu) who might give those to me! So I suddenly got quite irrationally twitchy that I’ll get laid up in a random Spanish health centre with swine flu and miss all of my holiday.
    BUT I’ve just looked up some details on air travel, and it seemed to say you’re no more at risk on a plane on a short flight that you would be on a bus or train, unless you end up sitting next to someone who is coughing and sneezing. So I’ll probably be OK and I’m going to stop panicking.
    Now all I need is for the stupid AussieBums I ordered to arrive before Saturday – it’s been six weeks now and no sign of them. Typical. I just know they’ll turn up the Monday after we leave, and will be waiting all smugly in my post box when we get back.

  5. Ill-timed illness

    May 21, 2009 by superlative

    As I suspected, I’m ill. My sore throat has turned into a proper stuffed up cold, and I feel really run down. It’s so inconvenient! I have to be well on Saturday, I’ve got to drive myself to Tunbridge Wells and then be on my feet and sociable for pretty much the whole day. So I’ve taken today off work anyway, and I’m hoping if I just watch property programmes on TV and think happy thoughts then my body will heal itself before the weekend.

    I’ve just checked back on where I’d got to on the ‘Days healthy’ counter I started after the last time I was ill. I didn’t maintain it on every post because I couldn’t be bothered, but if I had I would have reached the grand total of 91 days by today. That’s not even a hundred! I thought it was going to be longer than that, but apparently not. So I managed to be more or less healthy for 3 months before succumbing to yet another virus. I suppose that’s not too bad, I just hope I can get rid of it fairly quickly.

    I have taken the executive decision not to inform Mum that I’m not well, because she’ll only a) freak out that I won’t be well enough to come to the wedding; and b) say “but I can’t afford to catch a cold from you”, in her usual it’s-all-about-me way.

    Which is stupid anyway, because of COURSE I’m going to go to my brother’s wedding, even if I have got a cold. I’ll just dose myself up on paracetamol, gun through it with a fixed smile on my face, and then feel like crap the next day. It’s not going to come to that anyway because I will be better by Saturday (happy thoughts happy thoughts).

    Right, I’m off to eat hula hoops now and see if Sophie Allsop has managed to turn a run-down three bed apartment into a trendy cottage in the Lake District.

  6. Rush rush rush

    May 20, 2009 by superlative

    I haven’t had much time for blogging since last week, which is unusual for me and now I feel I’ve got behind with it.

    We had our Eurovision party at the weekend, which of course was another triumph. We had scoresheets, miniature flags, posters, and a lovely Eurocake:

    I enjoyed the show, but was a bit disappointed that the winner was Norway. Their song was OK, not great, and the fact that it was the bookies’ favourite and that it was such a complete runaway winner made it a bit boring. After a quarter of the votes were in you could tell no-one was going to catch them. And also, he had weird eyebrows.

    I thought Jade did really well to finish fifth considering how poorly we’ve done in the last few years. She sang very well and was obviously much stronger than lots of the other contestants, so fifth is quite respectable. I didn’t think that the jury voting really made that much difference though, there was still lots of unjustified awarding of 12 points to neighbouring countries by some of the Eastern and Scandinavian nations.

    Sunday was a little bit of a write off, as I had drunk a combination of white wine, rosé wine, champagne, and Moscow Mules (careful Eurovision linkage there) so I had a bit of a headache. And then this week just seems to be flying by with no time to do anything.

    Dave’s wedding is this Saturday, and after a mini-meltdown last week (including the glib fiasco) Mum seems to have plateaued at “there’s nothing I can do about it now, I’ll just have to hope for the best”. Which is better than insane stress attacks I suppose.

    I wish I could look forward to it more, but I won’t be able to relax until Mum and Dad head off home and Chris has arrived safely after his epic two hour bus and taxi journey from Brighton. Just to make things a bit more of a pain, I feel like I’m coming down with something today, which I could obviously do without. I’ve had a sore throat since yesterday and this morning I felt completely run down as soon as I got up. If I’m going to get a virus I’d rather get it now, deal with it on Thursday and Friday, and then hopefully be better on Saturday. I’ll have to see how I go anyway.

    I’ll need to check back to my ‘Days healthy’ counter I started on here after Christmas to see how long I lasted before getting ill AGAIN. I don’t think I did too badly, it must be at least a hundred days!

    My next blog post may very well be after the wedding. Wish me luck!

  7. Not feeling ill? Start the clock!

    February 20, 2009 by superlative

    I’m back at work now, and am no longer ill, hooray! Of course, it is only a matter of time before I get some other virus, so I had better enjoy it while it lasts. Maybe I should start a counter, and keep a running total of how many days I succeed in staying healthy. It’ll be like Bridget Jones’s “Cigarettes: 4; Alcohol units: 8” at the start of each entry.

    So here we go:
    Days Healthy – 1

    On the downside, Chris has caught what I had now, so is at home with a raging sore throat during his half term, and probably feeling a bit hard done-by. He normally fends off my illnesses with his superior immune system, but not this time. I hope he gets better soon, I quite want to go dancing at the weekend.

    I’ve just been reading a recent blog post by Jay Brannan where he talks about not liking being labelled as a gay artist. I do agree with him, particularly where he talks about gay people who live in a ghetto-ised environment where being gay seems to be the most important part of their personality. They only read gay books, the only have gay friends, it’s all so insular. I met quite a few people like that at university, and I don’t think it’s healthy.

    And how do you manage only to have gay friends anyway? Most people are straight, surely your group of friends would have to comprise a few?? And lots of gay men are really quite unpleasant…

    Some people have commented in full agreement with him, and have voiced the sentiment I share that if all we focus on is our differences, how will we ever get passed them? Celebrating your differences is fine, but making everything in your life be about them seems wrong to me.

    Other people however have really laid into him about it, which I think is mean. If he doesn’t want to be pigeonholed and have his music shoved into the gay section of a shop, I think that’s up to him.

    Anyway, enough semi-ranting now, I’m off to have my lunch and hopefully not contract any diseases.

  8. Sunny Saturday morning

    February 14, 2009 by superlative

    My stupid sore throat still hasn’t gone away, it was really painful again this morning. The mornings seem to be the worst time for it, as I’ve not had any medication or anything to eat or drink for hours, which are the things that seem to soothe it. Actually I think I had a bit too much medication yesterday, maybe I used Marianne’s benzocaine cherry-flavoured spray too often or something, because I started to feel a bit hot and dizzy. So I might go a bit easier on it today, and rely more on paracetamol and tea. I really thought it would be on its way out by now though! I don’t think it’s tonsillitis, because I’ve checked the symptoms and they don’t look that bad when I peer at them in the mirror. So it’s probably just a sore throat, hopefully it will go away soon. I really need to go to work on Monday – why does everyone wait until I’m off sick and then send me loads of things to do? It’s very annoying! More fool me for checking my emails I suppose…

    Anyway, it’s a sunny Saturday morning here. I woke up about an hour ago and my throat was hurting too much for me to go back to sleep, so I got up. Chris is still in bed as he went out last night. He wasn’t planning on going clubbing initially, but he didn’t get home until 4 so I suspect he must have, and I’m not sure what time he’ll surface this morning. I hope he does the diplomatic thing and says “oh yes, it was only OK, bit rubbish really” when he gets up. I don’t want to hear that he had the time of his life while I was sat at home being ill yet again.

    Oo it’s Valentine’s Day as well. Wonder what we’ll do for it? Probably not very much, we already said we weren’t doing cards, as we’ve just spent all our money on the massive telly. So I’ve carefully made him a (rather crappy) card just now out of a piece of paper, using a blue biro. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it and find it sweet. He better.

    I forgot to write on here the other day that the Curse of my Parents reared its head yet again in the week. What form did it take this time? Mum’s hairdrying burst into flames in her hand while she was using it. She wasn’t burnt, fortunately, although it could easily have burned her hand or set her hair on fire. She just shrieked and threw it on the floor apparently, and then unplugged it and the flames went out. But still, it’s not a very common occurance is it?

    Oh yes, and I’m considering doing a creative writing course with a view to one day writing a novel. I’ve always wanted to write a novel but don’t know if I could or what I’d write, so I thought this might be a good way to find out if it’s even worth me trying. I’ve found a course you can do with the Open University which looks quite good and starts in May. It’s only 12 weeks but it might give me an idea of whether writing is for me. I’ll have to see, and save up the fee for it. Might register next month if I decide to go for it.

  9. Feeling ill and general rubbishness

    February 13, 2009 by superlative

    Yes I’m ill again, only a couple of months after I was ill the last time. This time it’s a horrible sore throat that I’ve had since Tuesday evening. I was off work yesterday with it and am off again today, even though I hoped it would probably be on its way out by now. It’s probably the worst sore throat I’ve had, normally I just get colds and feel bunged up and feverish. It feels like I’ve been eating razorblades, and sometimes it’s really hard to swallow. Oddly, it feels better when I’m eating (although not chocolate, ouch).

    I went to Boots just now and experienced my first of two examples of really rubbish customer service. I thought I’d go to an actual pharmacy so I could get something for my throat that’s a bit stronger than an off-the-shelf thing like Strepsils which don’t seem to be doing anything. So I went in and asked if they had anything for sore throats, to which a bored looking woman called Marianne gestured vaguely at the shelf behind her and said “we’ve got these, some are sprays and some are lozenges”.

    “Oh right…”, I said. “Are any better than others, or for different types of sore throat?”

    “These ones are sprays, throat sprays, and these ones are lozenges that you suck”, replied Marianne.

    Well thank you for that Marianne, I’m not sure I’d have known what to do with a lozenge if you hadn’t explained it to me. So I had to just say “well that one’s cherry flavoured, I’ll have that one” and leave feeling rather dissatisfied. Normally I’ve found pharmacy assistants really helpful and they’ve said which brand they think is best, or asked some questions about your symptoms. Apparently Marianne attended the Halfarsed School of Pharmacy though and doesn’t go in for all that.

    My second example of rubbish customer service is courtesy of Orange, to whom I’ve been complaining regarding my Mum’s email. Basically (I won’t bore with details), sometimes she can send mail and sometimes she can’t because the SMTP server refuses the connection or is down, and it can last more than a day before it comes back up again.

    I’ve complained to them before about this, and generally they fob you off with a copy-pasted answer on checking your Outlook settings, and then eventually they say there’s been a local issue which has now been resolved.

    So anyway, I sent them an email on Wednesday saying the problem still hadn’t gone away, explaining what the symptoms were, and saying nothing has changed on my system (I was pretending to be Mum) since it was working fine, so I don’t believe it can be the settings.

    A while later they replied with…. yes, a copy-pasted set of instructions about checking your settings, and a couple of questions tacked on the end asking if I can send email via their webmail (I can) and if I’m connecting to the internet using them as the ISP (I am). So I sigh, and reply.

    Then yesterday someone else replied again with a different-but-not-that-different set of instructions on checking settings, and some more questions, including “can you send email from our webmail” and “are you using Orange as your ISP”. YES YOU BLOODY IDIOTS, do you not even bother to read the emails sent to you?? So I’ve sent them quite a rude reply back saying I don’t appreciate being asked the same question over and over again, and can they actually read my email this time and do something about it. And now it’s all gone quiet for the last 24 hours. Maybe I’ve offended them…

    Anyway, Kristian Digby has just come on the telly so I’m off to drool over him now. He’s got tight jeans on today, he always wears nice clothes. Oh, and my cherry spray has sort of helped but not as much as I was hoping when I read that it contains the grand-sounding “benzocaine”. I was hoping that would be a novocaine-strength product, but apparently it isn’t.

  10. Still ill

    December 20, 2008 by superlative

    I’m still feeling ill, I was hoping I’d be better today. It’s kind of feeling more like a normal cold now, the more fluey symptoms have gone away a bit. I could live with that though, at least you can ignore a cold a bit.

    Chris went out without me last night so I was on my own for pretty much the whole day, which was a bit depressing. I liked his self-interested reasoning: if you have to stay in cos you’re ill, that’s depressing; if both of us stay in that’s twice as depressing. Hmm, twice as depressing for you maybe. It’s even more depressing for me to stay here on my own! Anyway, he’s just surfaced from the sofa bed, so I am off to breathe on him vindictively now.