April 23, 2008 by superlative
I managed to go to the gym yesterday after not having been for two whole weeks, due to my flu and then general laziness. It wasn’t too bad, I’d obviously lost some of the progress I’d made already, but I’m pleased that I made myself go again.
I’ve been thinking about my increasing reluctance to go, and have decided that it’s partly because I have to get up at 6.30am (which isn’t too bad, I’m sometimes awake then anyway), but mostly due to me not liking the weights room there. If I only used the room with the running and rowing machines I think I’d be fine because I feel comfortable in there, but I always feel like I want to get in and out of the weights rooms as quickly as possible. I think I don’t like it because the men in there are so serious about it, and often look really, really angry. I suppose it’s because they’re all pumped up and exerting themselves, but it’s still a bit off-putting. Unfortunately it’s the weights that are going to make a difference to my musculature, so I can’t really cut that bit out, so I guess I’ll just have to live with it. At least I go early in the morning when there aren’t many people there.
I have also decided that I really, REALLY hate the bus now after having had two ridiculous days of waiting for 20 minutes at the bus stop for a service that’s meant to be every 6 minutes, and then enduring horrible crowded journeys that take forever. And it’s so expensive, it’s no wonder people still want to drive everywhere, why would you want to pay loads for a really crappy experience? What’s all the more galling is that while waiting at my bus stop for the elusive 25 to turn up, you have to watch three or four empty 49s sail past with annoying slogans daubed on the back saying things like “We’ll be shopping while you’re stuck in traffic”. Er no, I think that should be “You’ll be stood at a bus stop not having travelled further than 500 metres from your house for 20 minutes, and THEN you’ll have to pay through the nose for the privilege.”
So that got me thinking about all the reasons why going by car remains infinitely preferable to the stupid bus:
- you don’t have to walk for 10 minutes either side of your journey in the rain
- you get to decide when you leave and not be dictated to by arbitrary timetables and electronic signs that are only there to taunt you rather than display the actual time your bus will arrive
- you don’t have to sit with your feet in the remains of someone else’s kebab
- you don’t have to endure pikey chavs playing hip hop on the tinny speakers of their mobile phone
- you can control the temperature and not either be roasted alive from the ankles up by overactive fan heaters, frozen by howling gales blowing through impossibly small windows, or slowly choked by the gathering humidity that runs down the windows containing everyone’s exhaled saliva and germs.
- you don’t have to watch your chosen mode of transport sail past full without stopping, and then have to wait another 20 minutes for the next bus that very well may do the same thing.
- you don’t get verbally abused by angry drivers who decide they don’t like the denomination of legal tender that you’re offering to pay their wages with.
- you don’t spend the journey pressed up against a sweaty fat man’s armpit.
- you don’t have to endure people saying “excuse me please” when there’s clearly nowhere you can move to because the bus is overfull.
- you don’t have to listen to an annoying child saying “mummy I want it now, now mummy I want it now, mummy mummy mummy, I want it now”.
- you don’t have to feel like you’re being the unreasonable one when you ask someone to move their bag off the only remaining seat.
- you don’t feel compelled to thank the driver regardless of how delayed, slow or generally god awful the journey was.
- half the time you get stuck in exactly the same traffic jam you would if you were in a car, except that your progress is much slower because you keep pulling over every 20 yards.
- you don’t have to spend 45 minutes on a journey that would take 10 minutes in a car or 30 minutes on foot.
- you don’t have to endure grinding pain in your knees because the seats are too close together and the fat person in front of you is leaning back and slowly compacting your femurs.
- you don’t have to risk certain death walking down slippery, wet, narrow stairs on a moving vehicle in order to be ready to get off when you reach the bus stop, because if you DON’T get up and move to the front before the stop you’ll miss your chance and have to walk back from the next one. And although the stops are 20 metres apart for most of the journey, this is bound to be the section where it’s 2 miles to the next stop and the driver won’t let you off anywhere else because of health and safety.
- you don’t arrive at your destination haggard, disheveled, wet, in a foul temper, limping, and possibly having caught scabies or some other close-contact affliction.
In conclusion, I hate the bus. I’m sure there are plenty of other reasons to hate it, I might come back and add more as I think of them.
Category Uncategorized | Tags: bus,gym,I hate the bus,I really hate the bus | No Comments
March 28, 2008 by superlative
Well it has been six weeks now that I’ve been going to the gym, and I’ve diligently managed to go twice a week without fail. It is getting harder and harder to drag myself there though, which is a bit worrying. I’m alright once I’m there, it’s just the having to get up at 6.30am and pack all my gym stuff the night before and things.
I have seen some small changes in the six weeks. I’ve got slightly musclier arms and shoulders, and a bit more muscle on my chest. Not loads though, and that’s probably part of the problem. If I don’t see a huge improvement quickly then I lose interest. I could go more often and for longer and that would help, but if I’m having trouble going twice a week then how will I manage to go three or four times?
I also haven’t seen Mitch Hewer looking absolutely gorgeous on Skins for a while, which is what finally gave me the push to start going to a gym in the first place. It’s such a weird thing being gay, you can see someone who’s stunning and you really fancy them, but at the same time you can hate them just a bit for being better looking than you. So you get a weird swirl of admiration, lust and jealousy all rolled together. I suppose it doesn’t work the same for straight boys, they’d hardly see a hot girl and thing “cor she’s gorgeous, I wish I had legs like that”.
So maybe the answer to my lack of gym enthusiasm is to stoke up my jealousy good and proper in order to restore my drive to go. Friends and neighbours can do their part by sending me pictures of attractive men with good bodies. Ready? Go!
Category Uncategorized | Tags: gym,i want him but i hate him,mitch hewer | No Comments
March 13, 2008 by superlative
I understand the rationale for same-sex changing rooms at sports centres, swimming pools etc. Even though I wouldn’t be particularly interested in seeing women getting changed, I certainly wouldn’t want women to see ME getting changed because it would just be weird and their body parts don’t match and you’d think “ur what’s that bit for?”. So it is traditional to divide up the sexes all neatly, and then everybody has ‘seen it all before’ and can be very mature about it and go about their business, and the most that the original inventors of them would expect would be a bit of body comparison from time to time, both among the boys and the girls.
But if you’re of a hot boy-on-boy action persuasion, they’re GREAT! And yes of course you’re “not supposed to look”, but yeah whatever everybody looks, it’s human nature. And why wouldn’t you look if you’ve got the opportunity?
So anyway, the point of all this is that my morning was livened up immensely by happening to be in the changing rooms at the gym at the same time as the boy from Registry I used to like. Very fortuitous timing, I have to say, and it gave me something to smile about on the bus to work.
The downside is of course that occasionally you’re subjected to the sight of overweight sweaty heffers wheezing and getting changed that almost causes you to lose your breakfast. But you can’t have everything and I think it’s a price worth paying…
Category Uncategorized | Tags: changing rooms,early morning excitement,gym | No Comments
February 22, 2008 by superlative
Not only did I get up at 6.30am yesterday and was on a running machine in the gym by 7.30am, I also went clubbing to Dynamite Boogaloo’s 16th birthday last night. So I was rather shockingly up for almost 20 hours, and then only had 4 and a half hours sleep before I got up for work again.
Not surprisingly I am quite tired today, but I’m glad I managed to do everything I wanted. The gym was fine but completely crippled my arms for the rest of the day yesterday. The alcohol and dancing seem to have limbered me up quite a lot though, so I’m quite pleased about that.
Boogaloo was also good, and there were quite a few hot boys there yesterday. There were also some navy boys, who mostly weren’t that cute, but oddly Stu decided to get them up on stage and make them take their clothes off, which went down well with the crowd. Oh, and some girl took her bra off and jumped up and down in order to clinche the cabaret game.
It’s Super Dynamite Boogaloo on Saturday, so I’ll need to find an exciting new outfit for it by then!
Category Uncategorized | Tags: boogaloo,bouncy breasts,crippled arms,gym,navy boys | No Comments
February 19, 2008 by superlative
I made my first trip to the gym this morning, at the shocking time of 7.30am. It was alright actually. It was very quiet, as most sane people were still in bed, and I spent a profitable 45 minutes trying out a few of the different machines.
My hope is that going to the gym will actually succeed in developing a bit of muscle on me; so far my “trying to do some press ups at home” regime has had little noticeable effect. Being too lazy to remember to do them every day probably doesn’t help much.
The weights machines were a bit scary though. I wasn’t really sure how to use most of them, even after asking the man, so I stuck to the ones that looked most straight forward and least likely to snap back and sever my head. When I sat down on most of them I thought “oh right, I’ll try the second or third weight after the lightest, the lightest one is probably for girls”. But no, apparently the lightest weight is for girls AND me, so I will have to make do with that for the moment. I’m sure after a couple more visits I’ll be up near the top somewhere and benchpressing small cars and things.
So, buff hunky physique here I come! Watch this space for updates/relapse into chocolate eating and doing no exercise.
Category Uncategorized | Tags: arms like a girl,decapitation,gym,weights machine | No Comments