Last year one of the BEDM topics was to write a letter to your readers. This year the topic isn’t as specific, but I’m choosing to write a letter to you again anyway. You lucky, lucky thing.
It’s been a funny year in many ways. My work life has changed quite considerably, as I’ve already mentioned, and in some ways so has my social life. Friends have moved away, become busier or had children, meaning I’m seeing less of them, and I’ve met some new people. My circle of friends hadn’t changed much for a few years, so it has been a peculiar feeling. It’s nice to meet new people and have new things to talk about; but at the same time I’ve found myself being stuck with some of the same problems of shyness and insecurity that I’d largely been able to forget about previously, or to tell myself I’d overcome. Apparently I was wrong about that; I just hadn’t talked to any new people for a while.
Although work being busier and more challenging is a good thing, it has also been more stressful and more tiring, and again that’s an unusual experience for me compared to how things were before. I feel like I don’t have a lot of time for many things any more – whether it be blogging, or reading, or looking at lolcats – and I’m missing some of them.
So it has been quite a different year really. I feel like lately I haven’t felt as happy or content as I was a while ago. I’ve felt more troubled, with a few things weighing on my mind that I haven’t had the time or inclination to write about on here. There’s nothing awful, but I’ve felt a bit distracted and uncertain.
I might just be remembering things through rose-coloured glasses, but it seems in my mind that three or four years ago my life was a very contented one. And now I don’t feel quite the same. I’m sure if I think hard enough about it, it probably won’t be true – I was probably dissatisfied with my working life and feeling unfulfilled back then, and I’m just ignoring those bits now. But that’s just how it feels right now. It might be to do with getting older – I’m acutely aware I’ve just turned 33 and I don’t think my life has moved on very much from when I was about 28. That’s not time I’m going to get back, and I might not have that many years left where I’m going to feel ‘young’. 40 is rather uncomfortably closer than I would like it to be. I know there’s a couple of other things involved too, but, well, I’m not writing about those. I’m going to be enigmatic. It might even make me seem more interesting.
This didn’t end up being much of a letter, did it? Except I wrote ‘Dear reader’ at the beginning. I hope you are well anyway. I hope you wake up each morning and feel excited about the day ahead. I’m not sure anyone in real life actually does that, it sounds entirely implausible to me, but I hope it for you nonetheless.
Enjoy your Tuesday. Write back – it’s nice to get letters.