I’ve been feeling a bit better for the last couple of days. I’ve not been in pain since Sunday, although the weekend was quite bad, but not being in pain makes it so much easier not to worry and feel anxious all the time, and it means you can get on with doing other things more easily.
It has to be a good thing surely if the pain has gone away, because I would have thought that something serious like cancer wouldn’t cause pain and then just stop, it would presumably just carry on. That’s what I’m hoping at the moment anyway, and to be fair the doctor told me at the outset it was unlikely to be cancer in any case.
I’ve also been trying to worry less, and be less concerned about minor aches and pains and having a high temperature and things. I know my anxiety problem is the most likely explanation for those, and again if cancer were going to give you, say, pain in your legs, it wouldn’t do that for an hour and then move on to some other symptom elsewhere. Anxiety, on the other hand, can move your pain around all over the place as often as it wants, because that’s what anxiety does. And once I started thinking like that I started having fewer symptoms anyway.
I think knowing I’ve only got to wait until Thursday for my appointment has helped a bit too, because it puts a potential end date on it when you know something might happen, rather than this vague feeling that you’re going to be in pain forever and you don’t know why.
So yeah, I’m doing better at the moment, and I haven’t cried since Thursday last week, which is good because it was making my eyes all puffy and unattractive.