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Abominate this, you stupid tart

28 June 2010 by superlative

I’m updating this post, because quite rightly Laura Schlessinger has pointed out that it is completely wrong. Not to me personally of course, but in general, and presumably because she’s been getting a lot of this.

She has also suggested that people are sometimes too quick to react in angry self defence to a perceived slight, when really they should research the facts a little better first. Of this I am guilty; it was too easy to believe that an American radio commentator would be homophobic.

So I apologise to Dr Laura. I’m not going to remove the post, I’ll leave it up so people who do find it can also read this update. I might just edit it a little so my phrasing is not so mean.

Some stupid wench not-stupid not-wench called Dr Laura Schlessinger decided didn’t decide to call homosexuals an abomination in her radio show, giving and didn’t give the often-quoted Leviticus 18:22 as her justification. A professor emeritus at the University of Virginia decided to take her to task with the following open letter either didn’t write the following open letter and it’s just made up or wrote it based on a false rumour, and although much of it is lifted from the West Wing it makes an entertaining read nonetheless.

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination… End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.  A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?  Why can’t I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24.  The problem is how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9.  The problem is my neighbors.  They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.  Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.  Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.  I don’t agree.  Can you settle this?  Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27.  How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm.  He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).  He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.  Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,

Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education

University of Virginia


  1. Helen says:

    I’ve missed loads of entertaining posts, I blame the stupid job that I wanted that requires me to actually work.

    This was very amused but as you said, very West Wing. I did hear Martin Sheen’s voice all the way through. “When the Presidents stands, nobody sits” *awful Dr Laura stand-in gets up verrry slowly*.

  2. superlative says:

    Haha, and then Sam takes her vol-au-vent! Bigots don’t get vol-au-vents, obviously.

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