I intend to do a proper design of my own for it sometime soon, but for the moment I’ve just picked a nice-looking theme and bunged it up. I’m also going to try to develop some different sections on this site, where I can post other things that I find interesting or stimulating.
But anyway, that’s enough administrative stuff. To business.
OH MY GOD I seem to be having a total mid-life crisis regarding work and my life in general, and I don’t know what to do about it. Essentially my problem is as follows:
I have a job, and it is fine. Fine but boring. Really really boring. I don’t have enough work to do, and the work I do have is generally quite dull. Furthermore, I don’t know if my job (as a web editor/developer) is what I really want to be doing. I didn’t choose this as such, I didn’t study with this career in mind, I just kind of drifted into this after uni, and now I’ve found myself at a dead end with no possibilities for advancement, and without sufficient qualifications to do much else. Which is sad, because I’m clever and I have a first class degree, but a degree in French and Italian doesn’t lead to many obvious careers.
Most of my friends have proper professions or career paths: they’re teachers, or nurses, or conservation officers, or lawyers. And I don’t. I have no idea what I want to do long term, and I feel like my life is slipping past without me actually achieving very much.
But without knowing what I want to do long term, I don’t know what I can change in my life, what career I could change to, or what further study I could do, and so I feel totally stuck.
I don’t like feeling unfulfilled, and I don’t like being bored. I think that I have the potential to do a lot, to do anything if I really want to, but without any focus I end up doing nothing.
I’ve talked it over with Chris, and I’ve spent quite a long time this morning discussing it with a friend at work (thanks Dom!). But ultimately no one can tell me what to do: I need to decide for myself. I just don’t know if there is a job I’d rather be doing, and so I continue to bumble along.
I think that a key decision I need to make first of all is if I want to change job or career at all. I could do, and with that comes the need for further study or taking a pay cut in order to start again in a different field. That’s one option. My other option though is to seek fulfilment elsewhere: through study or something else in my life, and let work take a secondary position. My job is fine after all, I get paid quite a lot, and it doesn’t stress me out. So I could do something else for passion or love, something I enjoy, or something that stretches me, but have it not be a work thing.
I’ve thought about doing a masters before, and about doing a creative writing course and trying to write a novel. I’ve always wanted to learn a martial art. These things could easily fill the gaps in my life if I pursued them. But I’d have to accept I’m not going to be a massively high-powered, high-earning person and stop worrying about having a ‘career’.
So what do I do?? Which way do I jump? I need to do something I think, I can’t just continue as I am, I’ll get depressed and the years will slip past without anything changing.
All I *can* do is give it more thought and try to come to a decision. I just don’t see at the moment though how I’m going to find anything to push me one way or the other. Hum.