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11 reasons why you haven’t got a boyfriend – part deux

18 January 2010 by superlative

I have bought Attitude now and have read through their eleven suggested reasons why people don’t have boyfriends (see my previous post). The article is written by their ‘dating expert’ Pip McCormac, and while it is fine I think he is a little overly kind in it, and a bit too keen to recommend self help books by Pia Mellody. I’m sorry but the fact they are written by someone called Pia Mellody should be enough to put anyone off.

But anyway, as promised here is a nice table I’ve made comparing their reasons with mine (yes I’m clearly not that busy today).
Attitude Me et al.
1. You can’t be faithful 2. Because you’re a slag and would rather sleep around than go steady with someone.
2. You have low self esteem 6. Because you’re the kind of person who reads ‘How to get a boyfriend’ articles in magazines. (the low self esteem is implied in our reason)
3. You come over too strong 7. Because you scare them off by being clingy and calling them every 20 minutes. (same reason, just meaner)
4. You never seem to meet the right sort of guy 9. Because you stay at home all the time and never go out and meet real people.
3. Because you try to pull people based solely on looks, and then are surprised when they have a shitty personality.
5. You’re hypercritical 11. Because you have unrealistic expectations of your ‘ideal boyfriend’ that don’t correspond to any actual humans.
6. You don’t seem to have any conversational skills OK I don’t have one that corresponds directly to this. I’m still doing pretty well so far though.
7. You sleep with them too soon 10. Because you don’t know the difference between sex and intimacy.
And also reason 2 again about being a slag.
8.You’re not proactive enough 9. Because you stay at home all the time and never go out and meet real people.
9. You’ve got a fear of commitment 1. Because you panic every time you get one and dump him.

They’ve put this one down lower on their page so as not to draw too much attention to it, but I’d say it’s the leading reason for gay singledom. That and the slag thing.

10. You’re clueless as to how to present yourself 4. Because you’re ugly and smelly and no one wants to go near you.

They make the rather generous assumption that you’ve got something worth presenting in their reason. We didn’t bother with that bit.

11. You’re not being yourself I don’t have one for this either. All I would say is that for most men you could equally put ‘You are being yourself’, and then I could cite my reason number 5 (most men are dickheads) as the corresponding one.

So all in all I think we did quite well! I don’t know why I’m surprised, most of them are quite obvious.

And yes I realise that I am fortunate enough to be in a relationship, and so it may sound patronising for me to list all the defects that I think cause people to be single. BUT, what I would say is that my opinions are based on many years of watching a whole raft of gay men sabotage their own relationships and mope about the place being dicks and not understanding where they are going wrong.
I would also add that I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with being single if you’re happy. I’ve never tried it, but it looks quite fun, and it must certainly be nice to be footloose and fancy free sometimes. I think therefore that it can be just as unhelpful to be desperate to get a boyfriend no matter what, simply because you think it’s what you should want, because it probably doesn’t lead you to make very good choices.

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