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A homosexual dilemma

7 October 2008 by superlative

I’m having a bit of a dilemma about my brother’s wedding next year. Unlike my wedding, to which I simply didn’t invite them, there will be a number of family members on my Dad’s side at my brother’s wedding who don’t know about me enjoying the boy love. So I’m in a predicament about what to do regarding Chris and taking him with me or not.

Historically, this hasn’t been much of a problem because I hardly ever see that side of the family, and I’m more than adept at side-stepping the occasional “haven’t you got a girlfriend yet” question once every six months when I do see them. I’m also not particularly close to them (i.e. I don’t actually like them), so have seen no reason to share that side of my life with them.

I don’t particularly care if people like my uncle or cousins know; their opinion is basically meaningless to me. I do resent the idea that they would quite possibly look down on me if they knew, when in fact they are fairly mediocre individuals who have no right to look down on me at all, but I could probably live with it by simply never seeing or thinking about them ever again. But in the past I have dug my heels in about my grandad knowing. Not, of course, because I care that much about his opinion either; he’s a cantankerous and rude old man who has always been quick to voice his negative judgements about me and my brother and has traditionally favoured our cousins because they are “good with their hands” rather than academic achievers. The reason has been that he is fairly wealthy and I haven’t wanted to be screwed out of my inheritance by his bigoted attitudes after all these years of putting up with him.

So it has been very easy these past ten years simply not to tell them, rarely to see them, and when my Mum asks “wouldn’t it nice for it to be out in the open?” for me to reply that no it would not.

But Dave’s wedding will bring things to a head. They’ve said they would love for Chris to be there as he’s family and has a right to be there, but that they’ll leave the decision up to me. So do I:

  • take him as my partner and out myself at the wedding, possibly causing a scene at Dave’s wedding which I do not want to do
  • out myself in advance of the wedding and then take Chris, again with the potential for a scene
  • take him as my secret partner but officially just as a friend of Dave and Janine’s who is sitting on the same table as me (might be a bit obvious, don’t know)
  • go on my own but then have Chris come later to the evening along with other evening guests
  • go without Chris at all, and when asked “when are you getting married then?” refrain from replying “I got married last year thanks, you just weren’t invited”

Oh it’s so difficult. Would people guess if Chris were there not as my boyfriend? My grandad probably not, but uncles possibly. And then there is always the risk that someone in Janine’s family (who presumably all know about me, there’s no reason they wouldn’t) might get chatting to one of them and ask if they enjoyed my wedding last year (clang, huge piece of metal hits marble floor).

And do I still care if they know? Not really. If I’m excommunicated I won’t be that bothered, I just won’t have to endure my grandad at Christmas any more. But I do care that it might be my Dad that gets flack off my grandad for it (although he’d probably tell him to shut his face), and I don’t want to inflict that upon him. I don’t even care that much about the money any more.

Hum. Don’t know. Whatever I choose has the potential to be a disaster.

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