I am starting to get well stressy about the wedding now. It’s only two weeks away and suddenly it seems very very real and very very close. I don’t think I’m stressed about any one thing in particular, it’s more a general worry about the overall event and everything going right and everyone finding their way there and enjoying themselves.
And my Mum of course, she’s a big source of stress for me at the moment. I’m still slightly concerned that she won’t actually make it, because that’s always a possibility with her with any event. She hasn’t said anything of course, we’re both just assuming she’ll get down here and it’ll be OK, but I think we both know it’s a possibility. And even once she is here, she’ll be knackered from the journey, and then the next day she’s got to manage the whole wedding. So I’m worried that the walk to the Town Hall will be too far, that she’ll feel ill in the ceremony, that if the one baby that’s coming cries through the whole thing it’ll throw her into a tizzy, and even after all that she’s got to pose for photos and walk back to the hotel. And I’m not even meant to be worrying about her, I’m meant to be enjoying the day! I can’t really talk to Chris about it any more, because he usually says something like “you can’t be fussing over her all day, we’ve got a whole wedding you need to pay attention to”. Which is true, and Mum has said that as well, but it doesn’t stop me worrying. I’ve asked my brother to try to look after her on the day so I don’t have to, I suppose I’ll just have to hope that works out OK.
But what if she doesn’t end up coming? How crappy would that be? I’ve got very little family coming as it is… I assume Dad would probably come still if she didn’t, unless he didn’t want to abandon her at home on her own. So I’ll end up with my only family being my Dad, brother and sister-in-law, or maybe even just the latter two. And everyone will be going “where’s Simon’s Mum?” all day. God… well, she’ll probably just force herself to come, I can’t see her wanting to miss it any more than I would want her to.
I also tried, initially unsuccessfully, to look up some tips on the internet on coping with wedding stress. And they were all about bloody women! Things like “play soothing music in the car on the way to the ceremony, keep the air conditioning on so you don’t feel hot, but don’t open the window because it’ll mess your hair up”. Well, we aren’t having cars, our car doesn’t have air conditioning anyway, and my hair is generally gelled and impervious to all forms of attack. So that was useless! But I have just now found a few better tips about not getting yourself worked up with negative self-talk, e.g. this blog post, and JUST SAYING NO. When people say “are you doing this? are we having that?”, instead of thinking “shit we need to do that now”, the answer should be “NO WE ARE NOT”. Perhaps followed by a glare, and/or a punch in the kidneys. I feel better already.