This is actually the BEDM14 topic from several days ago, but I didn’t get round to writing anything for it then so I’m just stealing it now instead.
I tried to think of some actual problems I could write about – things in my life, for example, or problems with society today – but in the end none of them really inspired me. So instead I’m going to write about this: What’s the problem with Modern Family?
I hate Manny Delgado. I really, really do. He’s a vain, self-absorbed, arrogant, pretentious, unattractive, condescending, supercilious, priggish little pervert. I honestly believe he’s a sex offender in the making, and terms of his love life that’s probably a good thing because his personality is so repulsive he’s never going to get any by normal means anyway.
I’m not blaming the actor, of course (although you could stand to lose a little weight, tubs, diabetes is no laughing matter), as it’s not his fault the character is written that way. And yes he’s probably important to the dynamics of the show and the creation of certain plot lines and blah blah blah. But I still hate him.
From the first season Manny has had a rather distasteful attitude to women. He dresses it up as appreciation of the female form and tries to make it sound romantic by reciting poetry, but really he’s just a perv. When his cousins Alex and Hayley come round for a family-tradition pyjama party, he’s all “Oh, Hayley’s welcome to get changed in my room!” Why? So he can perv on her. Because he’s disgusting. Jay has to threaten to turn the hose on him.
And it continues from there, through an endless parade of unfortunate females he tries to thrust his greasy affections onto. By the fourth season Manny is well into Buffalo Bill territory when he develops a crush on his brother’s nanny. How does he express this? By drawing endless pictures of women’s tits. To the point where his teacher actually becomes concerned about his behaviour and has to get his parents in. He even made this:
He’s meant to be about 13! And yes 13 year olds get curious about sex and don’t always know where boundaries are, but Manny is ostensibly a very intelligent, mature 13 year old. He’s always banging on about it. So he has no excuse – either he’s too young to be slobbering over women’s breasts, or he’s intelligent enough to know better. Pick one, Manny, or get maced.
And on top of being a disgusting little sex pest, he’s not even nice company. He dresses like a fop, and looks down on practically everyone in his family (or at least the ones he’s not currently hoping to penetrate). He’s sulky and attention-seeking, frequently flouncing off to his room to make everyone chase after him. And when he’s not sulking or undergoing a convenient bout of depression (go fuck yourself, “old soul in a young body”), his good moods are even more insufferable: he’s either bouncing around whinnying about how great his swarthy, deadbeat father is, or talking over everyone else about the play he’s just been cast in or the fucking opera he’s going to sing.
So there you go. I hate you, Manny Delgado, and if your mother weren’t so terrifyingly adept with firearms I would slap you in the face.